ISSUE: 9/13/06 > FEATURES > which cup (or two) gets you through the day?
Level 0: “Tea, please”
You may enjoy the quiet ambiance of the coffee shop culture but have no appetite for the bitter taste of the drink itself. You settle instead for a nice hot cup of tea. The steaming mug is your ticket into the trendy world of coffee drinkers without buying into their addiction.
Level 1: “Hit me with the sweet stuff.”
You’ve mustered up the courage to actually try ordering one of the “-inos” on the Starbucks menu, but aren’t ready to get to coffee-crazy just yet. You stick with a safe choice – the sweet stuff. Whether it’s a Chocolate Brownie Frappaccino or a Caramel Apple Cider, you chug the nutritional contents of five Snickers bars with no regret – you are on your way to becoming a serious coffee drinker.
Level 2: “Cream lightly and stir with a big stick.”
You’ve come to love the feel of a warm mug in your hand, but you’re still not ready to invest in the pricey drinks you can neither pronounce or understand. You keep it simple and order the café’s signature item: a cup of coffee. Still cringing at the bitterness of black coffee, you take matters into your own hands. A few spoonfuls of milk and two Splenda packets later, you’ve utilized all the tools available to you to make the perfect cup-of-joe made perfectly (and affordably) just for you.
Level 3: “Have it your (own, very complicated) way.”
As a more sophisticated coffee drinker, you’ve had more than enough experience with the lingo of the latte world. Familiar with the ins and outs of ordering exactly what you want, you go for the specialty drinks that require a bit of personalization. You like your Cappuccino “wet” (meaning less foam than milk) and your Macchiato must be non-fat and sugar-free. When going out for coffee, you want something special you can’t make with just “Folgers in your cup.”
Level 4: “Back in black.”
You’ve finally acquired the numbed taste buds necessary to enjoy a cup of straight, black coffee. You scoff at the waitress who offers you cream and sugar and enjoy the bitter goodness in all its purity. Serious coffee drinkers in kitchens and truck-stops across America join you as you get your morning (afternoon, evening, and/or late-night) caffeine fix, untainted by the add-ins of lesser coffee-drinkers. Black coffee: it doesn’t necessarily taste good, but you’ve grown to love it all the same.
Level 5: “Barista, another shot!”
You have conquered the coffee-world and crave something with a little more punch. No amount of sugar will do to quench your thirst for the caffeinated. You must take it to the next level: pure espresso. It all began with a triple shot of espresso in your Latte, but that still seemed too tame for your taste buds. Next, you moved on to straight espresso shots. The tiny glass of pure espresso seems a bit extreme for most, but you throw it back like its just another breath of fresh air. The top of the caffeinated food chain, you both literally and figuratively “call the shots.”
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